A few more days to go and then we can say farwell to 2010. A great year: I finished uni, had fun hanging out with friends (going to Stanthorpe, op shopping, coffee, great chats, great news a friend has:))).

But, I guess the question now is: What now?

You see, I didn’t get the job I wanted. God has something different in store. I don’t know what it is. I’m applying for casual teaching and will also be on kindy relief lists.

It’s kind of hard graduating and not knowing what I will be doing in terms of jobs. Motivation to be in the job I’m in now is also difficult because I want a job that relates to my degree. So yeah, I’m a little frustrated.  My retail job was to be a ’just for uni’ job, but it seems I’ll be in it longer than I thought. It isn’t like it’s a bad job: it isn’t. Just not what I want to do the rest of my life.

“You see my anxious heart
You see what I am feeling
And when I fall apart
You are there to hold me”

These words are what I’m listening to at the moment on my new Britt Nicole Cd (my wonderful husband bought it for me for Christmas:)) – song called Hanging On. So very fitting while I feel frustrated and anxious about the future. I need to trust the Lord more. Jesus knows what I’m to do and He is always with me.

Other news: It’s been flooding here lately. I was in Brisbane last week, had a Christmas gathering with some of my family, then Saturday had Christmas with Karl’s side of the family. I caught a cold…bleagh.

Anyways, I could go on about heaps of other stuff. But, think I’ll stop here.

Yep- Feel the excitement!!!! Feel the nervousness!!! I am almost done with uni forever!:) oh WOW! It has been a journey. But, I am not done yet- so reflection about that can be later.
Instead, I will jump ahead and think of all the things I can do in the holidays:
1. Learn Bass Guitar (a friend lent me her bass like MONTHS ago and I still haven’t done much with it!)
2. Learn to surf:) (i need some help with this, Kendal and Josh??:))
3. Go to beach- okay, links to number 2, but anyways:). I have really, really missed the beach! I miss living down the road for it and jogging along it and seeing dolphins and swimming in it! sigh…
4. Visit  family and a good friend in Brisbane
5. Visit a good friend, Sandra, at the Gold Coast:)
6. Do pilates more regularly
7. Get back into running
8. Learn to skateboard
9. Go to CMS, Qld in January- would LOVE to!:)
10. spend more time with friends- and catch up with those I haven’t caught up with IN AGES!
11. read the John Piper book Kendal bought me years ago:) (Future Grace one) and other theological books sitting on the bookshelf.
12. Pray more; spend more time in God’s Word.

Okay, so the above are all the fun things I want to do:)! The list below is all the things I should do: work, clean, tidy up yard, wash cars.

What have I been up to lately?
- I just finished my last prac ever! And, it was the best one ever, too! I’m hoping to get a job at this place. But, if I don’t – that’s okay. God knows where He wants me,I got to trust and lean on Him. I don’t want to set my hopes too much on something I may not get. May my hope be only in Him.
- hanging out with my home group friends:) Wow! God has blessed me this year with such a lovely group of friends to share with, laugh with, talk about God with, share struggles with! 2 weekends ago we went to MaidenWell and then to a park between Oakey and Cooyar. It had a train tunnel which we walked through! It was a bit scary! There were bats above us! We could not see where we were walking. All we could see was the light at the end of the tunnel! literally.
I so wouldn’t go through that tunnel by myself or even with the girls- someone could’ve been lurking in there! I made a little poem about it that night: “tunnels and bats and gates that creak,
best be careful that I do not squeak.”
- I think I shall pray about whether I should be involved in any church ministry next year. Karl and I took a year off any official type of ministry this year, and I definitely DON’T regret it! Even though we may have felt pressured by people to do some sort of recognised church ministry, we didn’t. I am so glad. We needed this year off. We’ve been able to develop good friendships and get better physically (we got sick a lot in our first 2 years of marriage).

Well, I’m procrastinating. I have three assignments to go. Finished and submitted one in yesterday, 2 more due this week. Better get one done today.

Okay, so I haven’t written for awhile and probably should not be writing now as I have a 2500 word essay due on Friday and only just started it this morning. But, I want to vent – perhaps it will clear my mind.

Life has been crazily busy and with a flu on top of all the busy-ness…it doesn’t help.  I just finished my two weeks of prac last week, finished last Thursday. I was meant to work last Friday..but was sick with the flu. I was meant to work the Friday before that..but was sick with the flu. Yep, it’s hanging on and had me take two days of prac and feel yucky a bit when I was on prac (trying to do Show & Tell and read a story to the children after while having a bit of a coughing fit…not fun! ugh!).

So, I caught the flu from the children at kindy. Despite this, I LOVE kindy! Take me back to being 3, 4 or 5 years old! But, since this cannot happen…I at least can become a kindy teacher!! As my brother in law has said – I have the same interests as the children: play! lol!
Kindy is so much better than school…or, maybe it’s just because I’m enjoying this prac so much better than my previous ones. I have completed 2 weeks at the kindy and was planning to do another 2 weeks at a school (meant to have a 4 week prac, the uni is flexible though- can do 2 weeks at one place and 2 weeks at another while also being able to take days off to work and make up for them later on)…but because I enjoyed the kindy so much and because I can get 2 references from the kindy (there are two part-time directors there), I chose to continue there after mid-semester holidays:). I just need to not get sick next time as have assignments due during prac…ugh. Oh well, it’ll all be over in a bit over 2 months!:)

If I don’t get into a Kindy next year, I don’t mind if I go into a Prep. Prep is MEANT to be play-based and very child-directed. But, most of my pracs in a Prep class have been way too structured! I like unstructured learning and real play-based learning. so much more fun for the children and the teacher:). Thinking about having  individual portfolios (as assessment) makes me happy:)…so much better then structured traditional assessment. Okay, I shall stop talking about assessment and education, haha (just finished an essay yesterday about portfolio-based assessment: so play-based, children can be involved in the assessment process, fun, flexible…ok I’ll stop:)).

On Saturday morning, two good friends of ours will be getting married (God willing). Karl will be their photographer:). It’s going to be so exciting seeing them getting married!!!:D I remember the early days when they were getting to know each other and stuff and they’ve been engaged for over 6 months now and have been counting down every day since! I’m now counting down with them..very happy for them!:) The girl is a good friend of mine and lots of fun:) and a great friend to talk about God with!

Next Monday Karl and I travel to Brisvegas airport and fly to….DARWIN!! I’ve never been to the Northern Territory! We’ll get to see my Mum and brother, Konrad:). We’ll also get to experience the different culture there. I’ve heard it’s much more slower, relaxed…sounds like a good place for a holiday to me:). Much deserved too since been so busy this first part of semester and Karl hasn’t had a proper holiday for ages (past holidays we’ve been rushing around, travelling etc).

Who knows? Maybe Karl and I will get jobs there in a couple of years?? haha:). (I’m sure my Mum will strongly advise against this):)

Well, I’ve vented and feel better. Probably no one is going to read this…but at least I can now continue on with trying to work out what to critically analyse in this massive essay. sigh. To “waffle land” I go!

This is my last semester of uni EVER!!! Wow! It has been a journey…but I can’t write much about it as if I’m finished because I need to be motivated and not lazy – thinking I’ve already obtained my degree. Ah well. I’ll wait until November when I can finally write a post about my journey through uni the past four years.
My scattered thoughts and happenings:

- It’s the first week of Semester 2. My holidays were quite busy (catching up with friends and working) and not so busy (being sick with a cold for a week and a bit).

- I’m going out with my friend, Rachel, this morning. She’s moving to Toowoomba on Saturday (noooo!!!) so definitely need to catch up with her before she goes.

- Been reading through Romans and thinking about how I’m “declared righteous” and that righteousness is a “gift.” God has amazing and deep grace that I can be righteous through faith in Jesus.

- It’s Karl’s Birthday tomorrow and I’m quite excited about that:), except my present for him won’t arrive for a couple of months it’s so fun knowing what I purchased him and he not knowing hehe:)..I like good surprises!

- I’m reclaiming (is that the right word I want?) my love for Dilmah Tea since the coffee machine we purchased quite cheaply - a few months ago from Cash Converters got us sick (I kept feeling like vomiting after we got it- ugh). We need to buy a good cleaner thing for it (any recommendations of what cleaner to buy, Kristan??). We’ve used vinegar but I think we need a stronger cleaner.

- Our home group has started going through the book of James yay!:) But, our home group leader and his family are moving away in September (God willing) so we need another leader then…prayer for this would be great.

- My health and Karl’s health has improved IMMENSELY!!! PRAISE GOD!!! I am able to tolerate a bit more gluten AND – get this – DAIRY!:D The herbs we’ve been taking since last year have really, really helped! God is good! I haven’t had to see a doctor or naturopath/acupunturer since LAST YEAR! I no longer suffer intense stomach cramps and horrible fatigue. Karl isn’t catching colds as much anymore and even when I came down with a cold over the holidays he didn’t get it from me! And, he isn’t suffering horrible fatigue either.

- I’ve thought much (and need to pray more about) next year in terms of jobs. I’ve decided that I would rather teach in a kindy connected to a day care rather than teaching in a school. I really don’t want to teach in a school due to the huge workload and stuff. And, I love little kids (3 and 4 year olds- no wait, I love little kids of all ages hehe:)). My last prac- the teacher told me that kindys in qld may become like prep and so kindys will be looking for people with Bachelor of Ed (Early Childhood) degrees.

- It’s a gorgeous day today:). I’ve had two cups of tea, Shelley (our cat) is sitting on my lap; it rained last night but the sun is shining this morning. The orange tree out the back is blooming well; and the street is quiet:).

Anyways, I shall do uni work after catching up with Rach:)!

How do I change the date of this blog? Today is the 20th, not the 19th.

Can you feel the excitement? Last assignment is pretty much done, just got to organise the title page and contents page and compile it all then post. Then, HoLiDaYs!!! I think I’m looking forward to my holidays more than I did last year- and I think it’s because my prac was exhausting, stressful and up and down.
I start work soon (11 – 6), but am not motivated to go. Not good, I know. I’m sure I’ll be fine once I’m there. I’m just tired from yesterday: editing an assignment and then working til 9pm.
Tonight is Home Group- will be good to catch up with people. Tomorrow- I am not working:), hopefully will catch up with a friend from church. I feel like I’ve neglected my friends this past semester because of prac and uni assignments. Even though I’m only doing 3 subjects, the workload is quite large- when prac was on top of it. Anyways, enough about prac. I’m still having some dreams about it- haha.

Well, I better get ready for work. Listening to “Jesus is Alright” by DC Talk- old school:)- motivational music:).

It has been quite awhile since I’ve posted. Life has been busy. I finally finished my 5 weeks of prac last Thursday and can relax…a little bit. Only a  bit because I have three assignments due next Friday. So, why am I being busy typing this blog? Because I was reminded to do so since one of my assignments requires we have a e-journal about our prac (as well as the unit plan, 2 page essay, and speech- bleagh!).

I went into work yesterday to see if I was on the roster (I  had time off work due to prac). The manager just told me to come in on Thursday arvo/night and Friday arvo. Fine with me, I was content for God’s provision- as, I was not even on the roster!

I’m seriously re-considering whether I want to teach in a school next year. Sure, I like the teaching part. But, the large amounts of paper work you have to do pretty much means no life. Yes, I know people say it gets easier after a few years. But, I think of a couple of school teachers I know and they’re usually stressed and have stacks of work to do. I’ve been reading the book of Acts and thinking about how it mentions how the Christians devoted themselves to prayer and fellowship. How can I do that when I’m constantly doing school work???
Anyway, I’m seriously praying for guidance and wisdom as to what the Lord wants me to do next year. I am thinking of being a Kindy Teacher – but then am hearing that Kindy will become like Prep. So, maybe I’ll be a Group Leader at a Day Care??  I don’t know yet.

Anyway, I better return to typing up the blog for my assignment.

Haha..I’m not very creative with my title. Oh well. So, what have I been up to?
Well, I’ve stopped working on Saturdays so I can actually enjoy a weekend and not be heaps tired on Sundays (which can be pretty full on) at church and with friends – and so I can also hang out with Karl. Now I’m only working 4 hours on both Thursday and Friday afternoons which is nice as my feet don’t get as sore.

I’m now into my third week of uni and trying to get a prac placement. Waiting for a school to get back to me and if they can’t have me I’ll have to keep ringing around. I don’t like ringing around. I get all nervous talking on the phone to people I don’t know and I am sure my explaining myself to the person on the other end comes out all wrong! ugh. Oh well, practice makes perfect.

Anyway, I’ve been looking at my options for next year. As in, wondering what else I could do with my degree (Bachelor of Ed- Early Childhood) besides teaching. It seems like teaching is expected of us who are studying this course though (I guess ’cause it is  an ‘education’ course). But, I’ve been seriously wondering whether teaching is what I want to do. At the moment I’m looking at being a Child Safety Officer with DOCS (department of Child Safety). Yes, stressful but there’s not the constant planning and disciplining 30 kids all at once. I’ll keep looking around and praying for guidance about what God wants me to do.

On a lighter (and less stressful) note, it’s  a gorgeous morning. I took Max for a walk and we walked along Myall Creek (well, Max ran along most of the time once I took him off his leash sniffing, swimming, and generally being happy) to the oval. It was nice with the sun shining, dew still on the grass, not many people around.

Sunday arvo we (friends from church) went to the skate park to have lunch and ride around. Karl’s got a free BMX bike from one of our friends and he’s really getting into BMXing which is great:).

Anyways, enough randomness. I better stop writing and start doing uni work.

It’s the second day of Semester 1- 4th year of Bachelor of Ed (Early Childhood). That’s right- 4th year which means my final!!! I don’t know how I feel about this. In some ways I like the comfort of just studying and doing assignments. Sometimes I don’t know whether I want to be a teacher next year and sometimes I get excited thinking about it. I’m afraid I’ll over stress next year as the first year out is always the hardest. I don’t want to neglect my family and friends over work. I don’t want to destroy my health.
Okay, I know some first year teachers get through their first year just fine. But, I know some teachers who had it tough in their first year and still know a teacher who stresses about her work and she’s been a teacher for a bit over 10 years now.
Anyway, this is the degree I chose because I think it’s what God wants me to do so I got to trust Him that He knows what He’s doing.

Motivation was really lacking for me yesterday – trying to get back into study can be difficult (but it was probably because I also had a busy weekend- Saturday I worked all day and Sunday went to church and hung out with friends). Today I don’t feel as tired and actually slept in until a bit after 7! So, I better make the most of it and get into my study.

Oh, last Friday Karl had the day off (RDO) so we went to Toowoomba and had a fun day. Karl bought me the FM Static CD titled Dear Diary and it’s great (was a wedding anniversary present to me:))! We also bought a book about men and women’s roles in the church: Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. We both look forward to reading it.

We’ve given up hosting/leading home group and haven’t had a leader for a few months now. But, God has provided and we now have a man in the church who’ll lead our home group.

I’m actually enjoying not being involved in any “official” ministry (does that make me a bad Christian? I don’t think so!) this year. Karl and I decided not to lead (well, he led the home group) the home group – the main reason being was that we weren’t studying the Bible together like we used to before we became involved in the Bible study and our relationship is more important than official ministry stuff. Also, ;cause Karl was getting rundown. We should’ve taken a “year off” official ministry in our first year of ministry- but we didn’t. Oh well, this will be our year off. It’s funny how many Christians expect you and feel expected to be involved in at least one ministry in the church (I know I have expected it and felt expected to). But, we become so busy with all these ministries within the church that we can hide in a bubble of it and forget to reach out to those around us (non Christians) in our daily lives (had a talk with my bro, Kim, about this yesterday).
It’s nice to just focus on building relationships with others rather than being so busy planning kids ministry stuff (and there is a need for this, but at the moment- I don’t think this is where I’m meant to be) and being too tired to be with friends and welcome others.

Well, there’s my scattered thoughts for today. I better start printing out uni assignment sheets now.

Days off are great!!! Just thought you’d all like to know. This morning I couldn’t sleep in (been used to getting up early for work and whatnot) and so took Max for a walk about 6.30.

It’s surprising how many people are out and about at this time: some running, some taking their kids out, one man fishing (I don’t know what he was thinking of catching at Myall Creek! Max found a pig’s head in there a few months ago- ew!)…But, it’s also Australia Day and so people were heading out to the Breakfast in the Park.

I came home and spent time praying and reading the Bible. Read in 2 Samuel about how the Israelite army fled from the Philistines- all except Shammah- a brave warrior, who “made a stand in the middle of that area. He defended it and defeated the Philistines; the LORD gave them a great victory.” – 2 Sam. 23:12.
Everyone else in the army deserted him, but Shammah stood firm. I thought that was cool. I need to be like that- not be afraid of opposition, but stand firm in the Lord.

Karl and I went out to the markets where the Aus. Day Breakfast was (in Thomas Jack Park)…talk about boring! haha. We were there for less than 5 mins. There were different stalls: strange clothes, woodwork, army reserve stuff, a jewelery stand, and a plant nursery stand thing. There was also a band playing and plenty of tables and chairs. Okay, typing this makes me think there was lots to see. But, we weren’t very interested in looking at these things- so we drove around town for a bit and then went home.

The washing machine is going, I’ve just finished sipping my Dilmah tea, and Karl is working on some Tafe stuff. I tried enrolling in my subjects for this year, but it’s become complicated due to course codes changing (it seems) and Bach of Ed (Early Childhood) isn’t offered anymore so it makes it more difficult for us continuing students. But- I don’t have to be too concerned- ’cause I’ve emailed the Student Education Support lady whose been helping me with uni related stuff ever since I started in first year (she’s great).

Well, this is my day so far. I’ve been working quite a bit lately so it is nice to feel like I’m having a proper “Saturday.” Thank You to God for days of rest!

Is it just me or has this year gone quite fast? It feels like it.
Work
This year I have had 3 paid jobs: Subway, a day care and now Big W- all good experience in the end, I’m sure:). Perhaps I would be called uncommited for jumping jobs, but I had my reasons for each one (subway- gluten intolerant; day care: no rostered hours; Big W: I get rostered hours:))
Uni
I have also finished third year of uni!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow!!! Only one more year to go and then I am a teacher, God willing!!!
While I was working at the cash registers on Saturday I heard a little girl’s voice say “There’s Mrs Back, my teacher!” I turned around and saw a little girl who I remember from my last prac. It’s nice she remembers me:).
Health
In terms of health and social life- this year has been so much better! Yes, I struggled with my health this year- but finally have answers (not from doctors though) and a way to get better:)!! It’s great to be pretty much well again!!! I believe God can use my stuggles with health to help me be more aware, prayerful and empathetic towards others who face various health issues.

There is so much hurt and frustration when you’re not well. I remember being in bed last year and earlier this year crying out to God “What’s wrong with me? Why am I not well?” Being sick stopped me from building friendships with people as well as stopping me from working. We so easily take health for granted…until we become quite sick ourselves. Also, being sick is expensive. This past year (and last?), I travelled to Gympie almost every week to see a naturopath until I learnt an acupuncutrist from Toowoomba came to Dalby every Thursday; I saw various doctors; bought various medicines. It all adds up. But then, we had the money- and just think, many, many people in the world who are real sick can’t afford to go to doctors; can’t afford to buy herbs that help; can’t afford clean water and healthy food.

My amazing husband

Thinking also of this year brings me to thinking about my husband- the one I shared the year with and the one I can so often take for granted- forgetting to appreciate him.
He has supported me through hard times (especially in being sick) and been willing to buy clean water to help; herbs to help; and other medicines. He has talked with me, hung out with me, often enjoyed a “companionable silence” (had to use that quote from a book I recently read ’cause I like it) with me when we both read quietly to ourselves in the loungeroom; rejoiced with me about uni stuff; listened to my frustrations, doubts and fears; prayed with me; fixed stuff; been patient with me;  picks me flowers; puts up with me; talks through things, and forgives me. Yep, Karl is a huge, major, fantastic blessing from God! I greatly, greatly respect him.

God
Thinking of how great Karl is brings me  to my Creator, Saviour, King: Jesus. Karl is human and is not perfect. So, God is even greater. He has been so so so very faithful to me. He wants me to throw my concerns onto Him and so I do (I do forget though and worry and all that); He wants me to pour our my heart to Him- and so I should and try to do. He listens, cares, protects, forgives- o! how much He forgives me!!! He is faithful to me in the big things as well as the little things. He is so very patient with me.
I’ve been realising more that I need to pray more and really grow in Him.
I’ve been convicted about being a lukewarm Christian ever since I read Revelation this year. I want to be “extreme” for God; full on.

Well, this is a lot of reflecting on the year 2009. Congratulations if you’ve made it this far in reading!